Don't just survive, THRIVE!

I am taking a break from my normal, sarcastic perspective and attempting to be a little outside myself for a moment. Forgive me.

I used to look at other women who were healthy and in shape and judge them. I would create some outlandish scenario in my head about their skewed priorities. They must be compromising SOMETHING... It was a coping mechanism that allowed me to justify who I was – out of shape, unhappy and jealous. I was in denial that I was the one with the skewed priorities.


As a mother, wife, teacher and woman, I mastered great dance of balancing everyone else’s priorities after practicing it my whole life. School, work, family, spouse, homework, housework... you name it, I would have to make time for it and rarely say “no” to any request. I had programmed myself to overload my plate with all sorts of things – both high priority and nominal. The unfortunate side of this was ME usually got pushed down to #27 on the list of 35 things to do.

Then something dramatic happened... only I don’t remember what. It might have been the birth of my third child... or the emotional and mental breakdown that ensued... or the realization that I had completely lost myself in the previous three years to childbearing... or the fact that I recently had to buy a minivan to transport my brood... Whatever it was, I was ready to post a picture of myself on a “Have You Seen Me” flyer and start the search. I needed to find this girl – no. I HAD to find this girl or she would be lost forever.

Epiphany. At some point I had one. I am not exactly sure when, given I was in a sleepless stupor for the months before and after the birth of my son. Regardless, it happened. A light bulb turned on for me and I realized that in order to be the mom and wife I wanted to be, I had to be the WOMAN I wanted to be. What did that mean? How would I do this? What will my spouse and family think? How will they suffer? Will they suffer? So many questions and there was only one answer... time. I had to find time, I had to make time and I also had to give this time. I didn’t get to my current state overnight and I couldn’t reverse it either.

Genesis. Everything has a beginning. I wanted a new one. I watched my body change slowly over the years. With each pregnancy, I witnessed the miracle of growing life inside my body then was horrified by the aftermath of said cocoon that set up residence under my skin. It was not good. The weight I gained would not shed as I wanted it to, I had lost any shred of muscle definition I previously had and could feel my heart and lungs scream at me each time I climbed up the stairs to change a baby’s diaper. It was time. Time to recreate a new me – one that would out-mom, out-wife, out-teach, out-friend, out-EVERYTHING the old, lost me. So I made a decision. I decided to put myself at the top of my “to do” list.

Decide. Many people have written about this same thing, but it never really, I mean really sank in for me. I knew it had to be done but rarely did I do anything to actually make it happen. I wasn’t ready. I would find any excuse to NOT prioritize myself – kids need this, hubby needs that, it’s raining outside. Bottom line, I wasn’t ready to do the work. When I started this change and officially made my decision, I realized that because I had ignored myself for so long, my insides (physical, mental, emotional) were in survival mode. When breaking out of survival mode, your body clings desperately to anything old and familiar: fat, emotional baggage, old habits, etc. It doesn’t trust that what you are trying to do is helpful. It fights back – with surprising vigor! This is where the 11:37pm cravings for salty, spicy potato chips and insignificant arguments with your spouse come in. They worked in the past to get your body what it wants and its breaking out all the stops to get back there again – back to easy. You have to make your decision everyday... sometimes every hour or every minute. And it is one of the most difficult ones I ever made.

Fight. I knew this would be a big one. My body did NOT want to give up easily. I still fight each and every day. I am ultimately fighting for my life... or the life I want to have. The life I deserve to have. I give so much of myself to my family, my children, my job, why not save a little for me? The problem is this becomes the hardest thing in the world for me to do! I am the queen of false guilt. If I take time away from any of the above, they will suffer – somehow. Right? I can rattle off a thousand scenarios of what I could be doing with that time to give to them. However, when push comes to shove, my insides are so sick, misused and neglected that I end up not doing anything productive with that time!

What I am learning is the fight actually makes me stronger. I am not just talking in the literal sense. I take an hour out of my day to exercise and I come home a different woman. I wake up a different woman the next day. I am a different mom to my children, wife to my husband and teacher to my students. This *new* me is actually better, not worse... whodathought??? I have more patience (which there is never enough of in any of these roles...), more energy to be more productive throughout the day, a positive perspective no matter what is thrown my way, and (my husband is rejoicing!) increased libido, not that I could handle any more children added to our clan.

It is not the exercise portion that really got to me. Diet has played the single-most crucial role in my internal/external transformation. Paying attention to food and its effects on my body has taught me so much. I know that my body does NOT like simple carbs. I get bloated, sick to my stomach; have digestion issues... really pretty! I learned that my body LOVES whole, real, natural food that comes from the ground or has a mother. This realization has tremendously influenced my family as well. As the meal-planner for all of us, I have complete control over what everyone eats. It dawned on me that when my children are my age, they will have the same choices. Waffles with peanut butter and syrup for breakfast OR a healthy egg-scramble with veggies and whole wheat toast? If I want them to follow my example, I have to take them along the path with me. And guess what??? In my weekly meal planning, I hear a regular request for “meatloaf muffins!” (courtesy of Jamie Eason!!) from my seven year old. How crazy is that?? They LOVE the wholesome food we now eat and frequently ask for seconds.

This lifestyle change is a constant in our house and I am forever grateful for the many epiphanies I continue to have. I understand this is a forever commitment and my journey is nowhere complete. But I can say with certainty that we are a happier family, I am a happier woman and no longer feel I am simply surviving the day. I am thriving each and every day... as long as I make it to the gym... and don’t stop for fast food on the way home.