6:00 am

This is what time I wake up.  Every morning. Without fail.

No, it's NOT because I am so dedicated to my fitness that I head to the gym at this hour.  No, it's NOT because I have to go to work every morning (it's really only 2-3 days/week).  And no, it's DEFINITELY NOT because I am a morning person.  Its because of this.

And this.



They look crazy cute and squishy and lovable, but don't be trapped by their alluringly inescapable adorableness.  They can be rotten.  Rotten as is you absolutely cannot sleep past 6:02 am with them around.  Rotten as in your heart cannot control the overwhelming urge to let them climb in bed and "snuggu yoo".  Rotten as in the shuffle of little feeties across the carpet followed by a sweet whisper of "Good morning, Mama." are your alarm every morning.  EVERY. MORNING. WITHOUT FAIL.

Good morning, Maia.

Can I come snugga yoo.

Sure, climb on up. (Hear playful infant-yelling on the monitor as she climbs up the side of our bed.)

Come here, baby.  Let's go night-night.  Mommy's tired.

(Hollering on the monitor as baby boy makes his presence known. Basically his version of saying, "HEY! I'm awake! Why hasn't someone picked me up already and stuck a bottle in my mouth?! I've been awake for 8.3 seconds!")

I'm staaaaaaarving.

Really.  Starving?  Could it be because you barely ate any dinner last night - like always.  You never like anything I make unless it is a slice of butter with a little bread on top?  Or because you enjoy a constant state of defiance?  Or maybe because you sneak snacks while I cook and aren't actually hungry.  I'm not sure.

I want cartoons... and a snack.

Guess what, Maia?  There are NO cartoons on at 6:04 am.  Remember?  We tried this already.  Only yoga.  You don't like yoga.  You don't like watching yoga.

I want puppies.(Disney's Lady and the Tramp - on DVD, that can ONLY be watched in our bedroom)

Seriously.  I have watched this show 20,762 times and can recite it word for word.  How are you NOT sick of puppies?

I want puppies.

Fine.  Puppies. Can you read lips or closed captions because mommy is going night-night.  I am tired.  The sun is still tired.  See. It's still sleeping, just like you should be. I want to go back to sleep.  Let's go night-night.

--insert Eli's reminder squawking--

Never mind.  I will go get Buddy-Boy (Maia's nickname for Eli that has stuck and he will probably HATE once he gets to be 12.)

I wanna come! 

I thought you were watching puppies? (as I insert movie)

No.  I want buddy boy.  and a snack.  and cartoons.

You want puppies?

No.  No puppies. I want Elmo.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, CHILD!  I walk away before anyone gets hurt because at 6:06, no one is bright and cheery and lovely and patient and excited about an indecisive 2 yr. old.

I want Buddy Boy!

After all my pleading and failed attempts at convincing, I am left with... an early start to my day.  Everyday.  Monday thru Sunday.  Never again will I EVER sleep in.  This is what I have decided.  Ever.  Realize that "sleeping in" for us would consist of a digit greater than 7.  We don't need double-digits, no, that would be down-right gluttonous.  No.  Just past 7-something.  Anything past 7.

Coffee is my only saving grace.  Thank GOD for coffee.  Except now this indecisive 2 yr. old has decided she want coffee too.  Not hot cocoa, as would be more appropriate and less-likely to get a call from CPS, but coffee.  My coffee.  My perfectly rationed creamer:coffee ratio that is a beautiful, awakening mouthful.  I should be featured in a Folgers' commercial with the joy I find in this sip.  Only I am a bit of a coffee snob because Folgers isn't good enough for me.  No.  Whole bean coffee, freshly-ground every morning to the perfectly fine consistency.  Remember my love affair with food and my obsession with fitness.  They got nuthin' on my morning cup o' joe.  See why this only adds to my morning glory?!  This is my coffee.  MY COFFEE.

I love you, Maia.  You keep me on my toes, you test my character every day... sometimes every hour of every day, you help me to learn what it really is to be a mom (and how I'm not cut out for it sometimes), and you show me that life can be interesting no matter what hour of the day (or morning or night) it may be.  Keep it up.  I wouldn't want you any other way.

Update pics:

Here is a side-view.  With my tattoo.  It looks a little crooked because my arms are above my head.  But when I stand normal, it is all straight.  Its from Proverbs (love me some King Solomon!).  Any guess what its referencing???  When you figure it out, you will know why I had it permanently etched on my body. 

Here is what is says:
Clothe me with
Your strength
and dignity.
Help me laugh
at the days to come.

Progress pic from last night.  143 lbs.

I DEFINITELY notice more muscle all over my body - starting to show in my arms/shoulders.Legs are another story.  That is where I carry most of my weight.

You can still see the remains from my Eli pouch.  He was quite comfortable it there with all that cushion BUT its getting smaller.  If you look back up at my side, you can see a lot of my back-fat is gone but my ass still droops.  I am working on my shelf.  It will come.  Then you can balance a glass off that bad boy.  Ok.  Maybe I don't want that big of a shelf.  Just a round, firm bubble.  Thank you lunges. 

I am happy to report that I have VERY LITTLE detectable cellulite on the back of my legs, under my butt.  Good mornings!!!  They, along with lunges, are totally zapping that shiz!  Yeah!

Just a little reminder of where I started about 6 months ago. Slow and steady wins the race!

My First MMM Monday post featuring bacon-wrapped jalepeno poppers!!

I love food.  I love the experience of food.  I love making it, I love eating it, I love looking at it, smelling it, experimenting with it... Simply put, I have a love affair with food.  I realize my more healthy counterparts view food as fuel for the body.  I completely get this, but....I don't.  I get giddy like a little girl about to open her birthday presents when I have a new, delicious recipe to try.  Food is something we can experience with all of our senses.  We smell it, we feel it's texture in our mouth, we hear the sound as it cooks (or better yet, when we bite into it), the taste awakens all the buds on our tongues, and the sight of it can make you warm and tingly all over.  It's sort of like sex.  Food and sex.  Two of the greatest creations ever. 

Because of my love affair with food, I fully enjoy the process of food preparation and food consumption.  Some people HATE to cook.  I LOVE it.  If I weren't a teacher, I would probably want to be a chef.  Or even better, teach people how to cook.  I get excited about any new experience with food and I want to share it with everyone.  That being said - and to coincide with my resolution - I am beginning a new feature on my blog specifically for my addiction.  All about food.  I will call it "MMM Mondays".  I get to post about some of my favorites.  They will (hopefully!) be nothing short of a full-fledged orgasm-in-your-mouth experience, should you give them a whirl.  I must add a disclaimer though.  I do not like "elementary" food.  "Elementary" meaning bland, boring, tasteless, something a child would prefer (or could make).  Nope.  You won't find any of that here.  Elementary doesn't make you drool.  Elementary doesn't make you crave more.  Elementary won't even give you a long night of tangled, sweaty passion.  That's what I want.  Spice & Pizzaz.  So here you go.  My FIRST EVER food post. 

I have come to realize that anything, and I mean ANYTHING with bacon is heaven.  Add to it a perfectly creamy, slightly sweet and spicy interior and you have, quite simply, the BEST mouthful of yumminess ever.  I am addicted.  The problem is, these amazing lil' bites aren't exactly "clean eating".

Just look at them... aren't they calling out to you?!? Just pop me in your mouth. Yes, I think I will!  If you succumb to the temptation of my little friends and must try them for yourself, here is how I make 'em (a spin-off of ones I had at R&R Public House in Meridian).

12 plump jalapenos
12 slices of bacon
8 oz. cream cheese (softened)
1/2 c. roasted red peppers (minced)
1 garlic glove (minced)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/4 c. orange/pineapple marmalade (or whatever you can find in the "jelly section" of the grocery store!)

***To clean jalapenos, I HIGHLY recommend wearing rubber gloves.  The oils get under your fingernails and in your skin and burn like a mother!!***

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut each jalapeno in 1/2 lengthwise & clean out seeds and ribs. (This part takes the loooongest!) The more seeds/ribs you leave in, the HOTTER they will be. Rinse well with water & lay on a paper towel to dry.  In the meantime, mix the rest of the ingredients together, EXCEPT for the marmalade.  Scoop into a plastic freezer bag or sandwich bag.  Mush (that's a technical term) down to one corner.  Match up each 1/2 of jalapeno with its partner.  This is necessary to make sure they get "sealed" back together when you bake them or all that gooey filling will just melt out onto your pan & you will be left with nothing but empty... promises. :( 

Now, open your bacon, lay it out on a microwave-safe dish and zap those bad boys for about 3 min. This will soften the bacon so it is easier to wrap PLUS get the cooking started so they don't take so long in the oven.  Set aside to cool a bit. When everyone has their partner, cut the corner off the bag of cream cheese filling so you can fill the jalapenos (like a pastry bag). 

Squeeze out enough cream cheese to overfill 1/2 of a jalapeno.  Put the other (empty half) jalapeno on its partner, then wrap with an entire piece of bacon.  You should be able to wrap it around enough that most of the pepper is covered by it.  Sometimes I use a toothpick, but most of the time I don't.  Lay it seam-side-down on a baking sheet (preferably with at least a small edge so the bacon grease doesn't leak all over the bottom of your oven).  This will hold it together fine. 

Slide those mouthwatering treats in the oven for 15-20 minutes, until the bacon looks slightly crispy.  When there is about 5 minutes left, crack open the marmalade, put it in a microwave-safe bowl and heat it for about 1 min.  When you pull the jalapenos out of the oven, generously drizzle with the marmalade.  You are ready to get the party started!!  These things will be gone in about 13.2 seconds.  They are sooooo goooood.  Next time you have a lil' gathering or are just craving something worse than a spoonful of Crisco, here's your answer.  EATIN' CLEAN, BABY!  I hope you enjoy it!

Please Respond!!! Please!!!

Okay, it’s a new year and with that comes new goals. One goal I have had for a long time was to build my blog following and maintain consistency with it. The problem I have always ran into is what in the world to do with it?? Should I write about fitness, or mommy-hood, or teaching or suburbia or being married to an Idaho man or... This is my problem. I have waaaaay too much going on in my head to narrow my focus to one particular thing. So I’m not. I am going to keep it as scatter-brained as I am. Then I know for certain I am staying true to myself and being authentically me.


But this is where I need you. Yes, you. The 7 people who actually read this thing. First thing, I need to you sign up to follow me. On the side, down below the pics of the family, there is a space that says “Follow By Email”. Click in the box & put in your email. Then you can get my updates (as exciting as they may be) emailed straight to you. Then I might actually have more than 7 people read this... or I might not...

Next, I need some input. Here is my plan: I will have features depending on the day of the week. What? You mean you will update your blog on a daily basis?? This has NEVER happened!! Well, yes. I realize this. My intention is to do this, but regardless, it will be consistent. To keep me relatively organized about my scatterbrained thinking (oxymoron??), I have put together my features as follows.

MMM Mondays (all things food and drink - anything I found, made, dreamt about)

Teaching Tuesday (all things education – ideas, funny stories, printables, etc.)

Wacky Wednesdays (all things crazy – meaning I will finally have a place for my crazy stories with kids/hubby/etc.)

Thursdays – My day off!! (In reality I will be composing some great features for the other days)

Fit Fridays (all things fitness – updates, workouts, progress pics, eating clean)

Savvy Shopping Saturdays (all things shopping related – deals, steals and discounts)

Suburban Sundays (all things... leftover, life related)

So, my seven followers, I need to hear from you. Give me your input. What would you like to hear from me? Is there a particular category you would like to hear MORE of, LESS of, not at all?? What do you like about what I currently write? Should I bother to re-organize my blog or just leave it as is? I appreciate all your comments. PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!! I can’t make any changes that will please the masses if the masses don’t respond. You can name yourself or be anonymous – I don’t care either way. I am just reaching out to Never-never-land in hopes that someone (anyone!) will give me some direction. Thanks in advance!!! Wish me luck.

An absolute luxury!

In the season of giving and Thanksgiving (I am still in the mood from over a month ago!), I am taking a moment to share something with you.  Something I am SO THANKFUL for.  Something that goes completely overlooked everyday.

You see, earlier this summer, we took a family vacation to Yellowstone National Park for a week... in a camper... with three kids... and limited alcohol.  While in Yellowstone, we discovered something.  They charge for showers.  $3.50 per person, per shower.  Doing the math, that would be $56 for four days of showers for our little family (thankfully, no charge for a 3 month old!).  That seemed ridiculous.  So our solution: utilized the water hook-ups at our Disneyland RV Camp and the cushion-size shower in the RV that would make it difficult for a midget to get clean... let alone a 6'1" 240lb man. It was interesting to say the least.  Our evening wash-ups went something like this:

Turn on hot water (no cold, because it was so limited that we had just enough to fill the bathtub up above Maia's booty).  Dip in 2 yr old.  While she plays, water heats up again for 7 yr. old.  Wash two year old of leaches, dirt, leaves, pine needles, spit, snot, dead mosquitoes, and any other bug that got stuck in the coating of "stickiness" that encased her skin.  Pray she doesn't pee or poop in the water because it has to be re-used.  One clean, four to go. Get her dressed in jammies, brush hair, lather on lotion (a good protectant against the damaging effects of previously mentioned "stickiness"), lay in bed with the fleeting hope that she might actually begin to relax and be ready to fall asleep before time reaches double digits.

Next up... Olivia.  Turn on hot water, add to the "tea" currently in the bathtub.  Hope the dim lighting doesn't show how grey the water actually is, thus causing her to request new bathwater, thereby delaying our bath/bed time another hour.  Stick her skinny buns in the tub, where the water is barely to her bellybutton.  Turn on heat, because it is getting so late that it is officially cold outside (mind you, its early August and we are hiking through 90 degree weather during the day, but ohhhh! how cold those nights were). Let her play because she is still a little girl who loves bathtime.  Time to wash!  This is always interesting to watch her little Mogley-legs flail up in the air as she attempts to dunk her head in the water.  Hurry and stand up, wash as fast a can be from head to toe (a Nascar pit stop ain't go nothin' on us!). Dunk in water again.  In the meantime, water is heating up again for Mom to shower... hopefully. Rinse, rinse, rinse.  Listen to continuous addition to the number of mosquito bites she has accumulated since her last count just 10 minutes ago.  She's just like her mama - HATES!! mosquitoes.  "But why is this one so BIG?! Do I need medicine? Am I going to get sick? Will this kill me?"  Because you are so sweet and they really like your blood.  Maybe. No. Let's hope not.  Quickly dry, slather lotion again, put medicine on bites, brush hair, stick in bed with sister to watch a movie (Semi-guaranteed relaxation... unless there is movement or noise or light outside the camper.  It could mean there is fun to be had and they are MISSING IT!!)

Mommy's turn.  Okay... psyche yourself up.  You can do this.  Just get wet, wash everything quickly before the cool air freezes your hair and soap bubbles. Rinse and DONE!  Sure.  Let's not forget that I (at 5'7") have to crouch down to get under the shower head, have pounds of hair to wash and have just as much sludge on me as the children because I am busy carting them around. Not to mention that I am a bit of a clean freak.  I don't mind getting dirty, but when its time to get clean, I want to be CLEAN.  There is no half-assing this in my book.  I don't want to smell like B.O. when I first wake up in the morning, or have my scalp itch like I haven't scrubbed it in two days, and lets not even talk about the nether regions.  Nobody likes dirty business.  Nobody. So a thorough scrub down is mandatory, especially with all the sweating, bug smashing, hiking, snot-wiping and breastfeeding going on throughout the day.  Let's just say this was my LEAST favorite part of our family vacation.  I didn't love it SO MUCH that by day 3, it was quite a mental dance to even get up the fortitude to do it!  But as perfectly painted above, I had no choice.

Poor dad.  He was last.  He was braver than I.  He did it without a single noise - giving the false impression he had a nice, hot, no drama for your mama shower where he didn't have to crouch down farther than his wife, was nice and sudsy and even got a moment to relax and let the calming waters cascade down his back.  Bastard.  How did he get a better shower than me?!?

And what of poor brother?  Wet wipes.  That's what he got.  I wasn't about the expose that poor child to this cruelty, nor put his father or myself through the task of attempting to wash that slippery little bug.  And who wants to waste that good, more precious than gold hot water when he would be fine with a simple wipedown.  Thank you, Huggies, for supplying us with quality baby wipes for such an occassion.

And oh... look what time it is now... after 10 pm?!?  Kids are still wide awake?  It must be interesting to see everyone go in and out of the shower (let alone listen to the symphony as they showered!).  When you've been up since 6am (or earlier) and had some of the worst sleep of your life (as Phil did, sleeping with Maia), this is the moment you break.  GO TO SLEEP, MAIA! But the blinds next to the sofa/sleeper are so interesting.  I think I might be able to reach them.  Yep! Look how fun it is to jostle them around and make noise.  Okay, Dad.  I will stop.  But this pillow isn't comfortable.  Neither is your chest.  How about your legs? Nope. Feet? Nope.  I really like my feet in your face... or back... or sack... Now its back to the pillow.  And after midnight.  More tossing and turning.  Then its 5:15am and a truck starts.  "Morning Livie!" "Maia go back to bed.  Its still night-night." No chance.  We get up, do it all over again.  Showers and all.

As you hop in the shower either today or tomorrow, take a moment to appreciate the modern marvel of indoor plumbing, gas (or electric) water heaters that hold more than 2.4 gallons, uninterrupted time to yourself, lots of suds for your body and the serenity of that 10-20 minutes you get everyday.  Send up a lil' thank you.  And NEVER go to an RV park in a camper/trailer that makes you pay a ridiculous amount for use of showers.  It is NOT WORTH IT. Your body and your sanity will be forever grateful.

Poop is sacred

You didn't know this?  It is.  My child thinks so.  There is something terribly comfortable about pushing with all your might and feeling a warm presence against your cheeks.  The smell... the looks from other kids on the playground... they way it feels when it squishes against your body as you go down the slide... Ahh... poop.

Maia stood 2 inches from the toilet tonight, looked me square in the face (after farting up a storm) and told me she didn't have to poop.  As I went to take her diaper off and have her "try for Mama on the big girl potty", she pushed my hands away.  "No Mama, I don't have to go po-oop."  She grunted and pushed as she said it.  That little shit!  She doesn't have such little shits. 

So now what?  Here I am trying to get her to poop in the toilet because I am SO TIRED of cleaning that shit up!  Do I take off her diaper and set her on the toilet saying, "This is where you poop."?  She could get it all over the seat, she could touch it, she could wipe it all up her back.  Or do I eat my words (that is a terrible phrase to use in this moment), lay her down and clean her up like always?  I hate potty training.

Shit...

I put her on the toilet and she did all three as expected.  Because with Maia, nothing is ever easy.  She is a mess.  A stinky, shitty mess who I love so much it hurts.  I clean up her poop that is all on her cheeks, the toilet seat, up her back, on her fingers and all over the side of my hand (we are a talented group!).  I tell her "Good poop honey!" because I don't want the kid to have issues later where she can't go to the bathroom in public or feel embarred about the fact that she, along with everyone else, actually does poop.  We wash our hands - two times - then grab some candy.  I am sure I will see the remains of this Twix candy bar tomorrow between breakfast and lunch... some time around 11:00... when I am at the gym... with 8 minutes left on the stairmill...

Big YEAH! Little yeah...

I am sitting here blogging with two screaming girls upstairs... one PISSED because she was horribly woken up from a nap by her seemingly sweet sister who secretly torments her behind my back and the other PISSED because she was caught and told to stay in her room with no hope of when she will be released.  I feel like a great mom right now...

But I am putting all that aside... along with the baby puke that is still in my cleavage and hair ends (because I was so lovingly thrown-up on three times in 24 hours), the dried sweat drips on my lower-back from my workout this afternoon (STILL haven't had a chance to shower!), the pile of dishes sitting in my sink, and the load of laundry in the washing machine since yesterday that will probably have to be re-washed so it doesn't smell stale... to take a moment for me.  To celebrate a little something I am proud of.  I know.  None of what I just listed is the reason for my pride...

I weighed myself today at the gym before my workout and I am officially at pre-pregnancy weight... 144lbs.  This is the BIG and little yeah.  BIG because it is a milestone to get back to that number you started at.  And little because this is NOT the end of the road for me.  I have LOTS more work to do.  I wasn't happy with where I started before Eli, was just gettin' into the swing of things.  Phil apparently liked the swing of my things... thus leading to addition of our third child.  He put a wrench into my mix... or something else... highly inappropriate, I KNOW, but I was NOT ready for baby #3. Phil had a crazy plan to "secretly" get me preggo because the chinese gender-predictor chart, the constellation alignment, my body and the toothfairy all told him he HAD to conceive a baby RIGHT NOW or you may never get a boy.  Lets just say he was determined and calculated in his efforts. I just couldn't resist his charm, apparently.

The reason I feel the need to celebrate this for a moment is because I originally had set a goal to be at pre-pregnancy weight by my birthday (October 21st), not really thinking I would acheive it by now.  And its OBVIOUSLY before my birthday.  So my treat today was 1/2 a snack size of chili-cheese Fritos.  They were delicious and indulgent and everything I didn't need after swelling my arms and sweatin' my arse off.  But my 240 calories of decadence were worth it to me... for a moment.  I am over them.  I don't want any more.  They didn't taste as good as I wanted them to by the end.  That's good I guess...  But now I want some chocolate to counter the delectable salty/spiciness that still permeates my mouth.  That is a great addition to my current aroma of B.O. and baby puke.  I might just go roll in some of Bailey's poop in the backyard to complete it.

So here I am.  Today.  Chili-cheese Frito belly and all. 

144 lbs.  23.6% body fat with LOTS more work to do

NOT allowing my hubby to throw another wrench in my mix.

I couldn't handle it.  I would be one of those PISSED girls, screaming in my room.

 
         June 2011                       August 2011                       October 2011

I have officially earned every one of my rewards, including... A TATTOO!!  Stay tuned........................

**If you are wondering "how did she???" its simple: eat clean, lift heavy, do cardio.  I honestly have NEVER felt this good -- ev.er. I am back into the swing of things and Phil really likes the swing of these things.  But I'm NOT letting him have his way again.  I already own a minivan... I don't want to fill it.

Check THIS out.

You little LIAR!

Its 4:30pm and I am ready to go to bed.

However "with-it" and on top of stuff I may have sounded in my last post... IT'S ALL LIES!!  I am completely having ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  I lied about having my sh*t together, I lied about eating well, I lied about it all!!

Okay, maybe not all of it... but today I feel like the biggest liar and my pants are so on fire that even the hairs inside my ears are singed.  --SIGH!!!--

What is up?  I slept in this morning... my brood allowed me to sleep until 7:20 instead of the 6:01 wake-up call that typically happens on my days off.  Thank you!  I rolled out of bed and that's exactly what went wrong.  Don't these children know that Sunday is Mommy's day off?!  I shouldn't have to make waffles or watch Angelina Ballerina or change diapers or wear spit-up.  It's my day off!!  There should be absolutely no bowel movements that require assistance, no consumption of food that requires preparation, no voices on the television any higher than mine.  None. 

But when I rolled out of bed, it was a looooong roll because the other side was empty.  The man is saving lives today so that mean he is unavailable to save mine.  Actually, when I rolled out of bed, I had to roll over two children who came into bed with me, one due to nightmares (that conveniently only happen when Phil is at the fire station) and the other who loves to beat the sun into my room.

We hit the ground running.  Bottle for the endless tank with rice cereal mixed in simply because I cannot afford (on my reduced teacher's income) to go through TWO LARGE CONTAINERS of formula in one week.  The boy can eat.  I will have to turnin' tricks pretty soon if I want to keep him fed.  Next was breaking up the unending fights between our 7 yr. old and 2 yr. old.  Seriously.  They are ridiculous.  Sometimes I want to stand back and let the two of them duke it out but I know I will have to fork out therapy sessions for the older one since she will have some MAJOR self-esteem issues knowing her younger sister forced her into an arm-bar, yelling "TAP OR I'LL SNAP" in her sweet lil' voice.  Okay, take your corners, girls!

So, hair in a ponytail, sweats in tow (all of us) and barely brushed teeth, we decide to go to my classroom.  I was ambitiously thinking I could make it over there for 2 hours and have the girls watch a movie while I worked.  I packed snacks, bottles, blankets, animals, a stroller and a kitchen sink just to make sure I could get some work done.  After a quick stop at Redbox for two **new** movies, I thought we were in the money.  Right...  After some guilt-laden conversation about "how long daddy's been gone" we headed to the fire station for a quick visit.  Poor guys.  They can't keep us away from there.  We were just there Phil's last tour and lo' and behold, we must visit again.  I always feel terrible when we are there too often because, really, that's why they GO to work... to get a break!  Luckily they got a call and had to rush out so I forced the children back into the car and on our way.  Okay... to school we go... not yet...  There was something in the air... I felt the need to pay myself in advance with a Starbucks, anticipating what lied ahead of me.  That something wafted its way up my nose in between the delicious scent roasted beans as if to taunt me say, "just you wait..."

Snapshot:  TV cart in classroom, sound blaring, snacks all over the floor...  Baby crying in stroller, can't find bottle, poop up to his shoulder blades...  Found bottle! Feed, but wrong nipple on the end...  Feeding turns into gagging with a small amount of food consumption... Turns out to be a LOT of food consumption when he threw up ALL of it on himself, myself and the floor...  Spit-up...poop... poop some more... poop from Maia... marker on pants... marker on face... marker on tables... highlighter on whiteboard... stamps on EVERYTHING... Maia grading math papers... stacks of paper strewn everywhere... Maia grading papers the students haven't even done... Me under my desk curled in a ball... stamps on my forehead... marker on my arms... bodily fluids on my shirt and pants... clinging to a bottle of Jack Daniels... eyes bloodshot... hair frazzled...

I say all of this with the very real understanding that I would never trade days like this for anything.  Because in the cluster that can be our life, I am hit in the face with moments that take my breath away.  Like today, when all I wanted was for the lil' prince to go to sleep, he reached up simply to touch my face and spit out his binky to give me an amazingly heart-melting smile.  Or when the very first sound I heard in the morning was the pitter-patter of spry little feet dancing across the hardwood, anxious to get to my bedroom... followed by the second sound I heard, "Good mornin' momma!"  I love my children, love my husband, love this CRAZY life we created.

But where am I right now??  I haven't worked out since Tuesday (need to sweat the crazy outta me everyday!!), ate too much pizza for dinner last night, my only *real* meal today was my first one (oatmeal w/ protein powder), two kids are only in diapers & fighting my overwhelming desire for them to sleep, I pawned one off on a neighbor but I secretly know she was DES.PER.ATE! to get out of the line of fire, I already dealt out two spankings today and feel more coming, my dishwasher is open and filled with dishes, my bedroom floor is covered with sorted piles of laundry, my living room floor is covered in goldfish crumbs and soy nuts, my kitchen floor is covered in dog hair, sticky waffle pieces and MY hair (that seems to be coming out by the wig-full), and I haven't even paid attention to what's upstairs.  If you are missing a child, puppy or satellite, it may be residing in the upper half of our house.  I don't even want to talk about the bathrooms, though half of what **should** be going in there seems to be going on me... --SIGH-- 

So, I am going to stay under this desk, with my bottle of Jack, add some brown and black to the marker already covering my skin, put some tape to my hair and maybe some sticky notes to my a** and maybe I'll look like a forgotten art project and be left alone for 5 minutes.

But its another great day at the Desilet homestead!

Here is a fitness update too:
I am down to 146.  Still have some work to do.  BUT I am starting to see the muscles in my shoulders/back come back, my tummy doesn't pooch out so much, my ta-tas are waaaaay smaller (I am happy!) and my saddlebags don't look like they are loaded down quite so much.  Progress is progress, no matter how big or small, right?!

**If I hadn't left my damn camera at school and could figure out how to post from my phone, I would have photo updates too.  Coming soon... I PROMISE!**

Don't just survive, THRIVE!

I am taking a break from my normal, sarcastic perspective and attempting to be a little outside myself for a moment. Forgive me.

I used to look at other women who were healthy and in shape and judge them. I would create some outlandish scenario in my head about their skewed priorities. They must be compromising SOMETHING... It was a coping mechanism that allowed me to justify who I was – out of shape, unhappy and jealous. I was in denial that I was the one with the skewed priorities.


As a mother, wife, teacher and woman, I mastered great dance of balancing everyone else’s priorities after practicing it my whole life. School, work, family, spouse, homework, housework... you name it, I would have to make time for it and rarely say “no” to any request. I had programmed myself to overload my plate with all sorts of things – both high priority and nominal. The unfortunate side of this was ME usually got pushed down to #27 on the list of 35 things to do.

Then something dramatic happened... only I don’t remember what. It might have been the birth of my third child... or the emotional and mental breakdown that ensued... or the realization that I had completely lost myself in the previous three years to childbearing... or the fact that I recently had to buy a minivan to transport my brood... Whatever it was, I was ready to post a picture of myself on a “Have You Seen Me” flyer and start the search. I needed to find this girl – no. I HAD to find this girl or she would be lost forever.

Epiphany. At some point I had one. I am not exactly sure when, given I was in a sleepless stupor for the months before and after the birth of my son. Regardless, it happened. A light bulb turned on for me and I realized that in order to be the mom and wife I wanted to be, I had to be the WOMAN I wanted to be. What did that mean? How would I do this? What will my spouse and family think? How will they suffer? Will they suffer? So many questions and there was only one answer... time. I had to find time, I had to make time and I also had to give this time. I didn’t get to my current state overnight and I couldn’t reverse it either.

Genesis. Everything has a beginning. I wanted a new one. I watched my body change slowly over the years. With each pregnancy, I witnessed the miracle of growing life inside my body then was horrified by the aftermath of said cocoon that set up residence under my skin. It was not good. The weight I gained would not shed as I wanted it to, I had lost any shred of muscle definition I previously had and could feel my heart and lungs scream at me each time I climbed up the stairs to change a baby’s diaper. It was time. Time to recreate a new me – one that would out-mom, out-wife, out-teach, out-friend, out-EVERYTHING the old, lost me. So I made a decision. I decided to put myself at the top of my “to do” list.

Decide. Many people have written about this same thing, but it never really, I mean really sank in for me. I knew it had to be done but rarely did I do anything to actually make it happen. I wasn’t ready. I would find any excuse to NOT prioritize myself – kids need this, hubby needs that, it’s raining outside. Bottom line, I wasn’t ready to do the work. When I started this change and officially made my decision, I realized that because I had ignored myself for so long, my insides (physical, mental, emotional) were in survival mode. When breaking out of survival mode, your body clings desperately to anything old and familiar: fat, emotional baggage, old habits, etc. It doesn’t trust that what you are trying to do is helpful. It fights back – with surprising vigor! This is where the 11:37pm cravings for salty, spicy potato chips and insignificant arguments with your spouse come in. They worked in the past to get your body what it wants and its breaking out all the stops to get back there again – back to easy. You have to make your decision everyday... sometimes every hour or every minute. And it is one of the most difficult ones I ever made.

Fight. I knew this would be a big one. My body did NOT want to give up easily. I still fight each and every day. I am ultimately fighting for my life... or the life I want to have. The life I deserve to have. I give so much of myself to my family, my children, my job, why not save a little for me? The problem is this becomes the hardest thing in the world for me to do! I am the queen of false guilt. If I take time away from any of the above, they will suffer – somehow. Right? I can rattle off a thousand scenarios of what I could be doing with that time to give to them. However, when push comes to shove, my insides are so sick, misused and neglected that I end up not doing anything productive with that time!

What I am learning is the fight actually makes me stronger. I am not just talking in the literal sense. I take an hour out of my day to exercise and I come home a different woman. I wake up a different woman the next day. I am a different mom to my children, wife to my husband and teacher to my students. This *new* me is actually better, not worse... whodathought??? I have more patience (which there is never enough of in any of these roles...), more energy to be more productive throughout the day, a positive perspective no matter what is thrown my way, and (my husband is rejoicing!) increased libido, not that I could handle any more children added to our clan.

It is not the exercise portion that really got to me. Diet has played the single-most crucial role in my internal/external transformation. Paying attention to food and its effects on my body has taught me so much. I know that my body does NOT like simple carbs. I get bloated, sick to my stomach; have digestion issues... really pretty! I learned that my body LOVES whole, real, natural food that comes from the ground or has a mother. This realization has tremendously influenced my family as well. As the meal-planner for all of us, I have complete control over what everyone eats. It dawned on me that when my children are my age, they will have the same choices. Waffles with peanut butter and syrup for breakfast OR a healthy egg-scramble with veggies and whole wheat toast? If I want them to follow my example, I have to take them along the path with me. And guess what??? In my weekly meal planning, I hear a regular request for “meatloaf muffins!” (courtesy of Jamie Eason!!) from my seven year old. How crazy is that?? They LOVE the wholesome food we now eat and frequently ask for seconds.

This lifestyle change is a constant in our house and I am forever grateful for the many epiphanies I continue to have. I understand this is a forever commitment and my journey is nowhere complete. But I can say with certainty that we are a happier family, I am a happier woman and no longer feel I am simply surviving the day. I am thriving each and every day... as long as I make it to the gym... and don’t stop for fast food on the way home.

Dear Friends,

For those of you involved in my life - whether it be new, old, or anywhere in between - I want to thank you. You see, for a large part of my youth, I didn't value the importance of good girlfriends. I missed out. I missed out on the toenail painting, the late-night gossip, the sleepovers, the sneaking out to go to the corner convenience store for junk food, the pretend make-out sessions with pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and a pillow... wait... I think I did partake in a couple of those... But my point is, I didn't sink myself into my best girlfriends as much as I could have. I let boyfriends get in the way. I was stupid.

Luckily I married an amazing man who has pushed me to remain independent, to find friends. I wouldn't have any if it weren't for him. No joke. This was a MAJOR point of contention during the first 5 years of our marriage. You NEED friends, he would say. I didn't understand why he would NOT want to invite me, the girl who made him eat the squirrel he had shot with a dart gun, to go shoot whistle pigs out in the desert. He would invite his friends instead of me. And I would be stuck at home - friendless and depressed and mad he was killing poor, innocent creatures that he wouldn't eat.

But here I am now, ten years later, and blessed with some of the greatest friends in the world. Whether its catching up poolside while chasing rugrats all over the place, enjoying a delicious libation on the patio of a local watering hole, anticipating the arrival of a friend I haven't seen in years, or getting an incredibly encouraging email from a cyber-friend I have never met but surprisingly feel deeply connected to, I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

I probably don't express how much I appreciate you or NEED you in my life but this is my Lisa-version. Just like I wouldn't be myself without my husband, I would be a complete Lisa without all of you. You give me perspective, encouragement, camaraderie, advice, parenting tips... the list goes on. I appreciate each and every one of you in your own uniquely friendly way! You all are exactly what I need, when I need it and how I need it. None of you are the same but are perfect for me.

I had this conversation a couple of times recently, but friends really are the only relationship (besides spouses) that you choose and have complete control over. Why make it difficult? Why make it hard? Why make it draining, or negative, or anything other than wonderful??? Life is too short! Friends should be the cherry on your sundae... no they should be the whole damn sundae on the first day of your period when you are bloated and gross and miserable but craving anything doused in chocolate, loaded with empty calories and topped with a king-sized candy bar and a side of potato chips. That's exactly what friends should be - what you need when you need it and what you want when you want it. They will also meet you at the gym the next day...

So here's to you, my friends. The oldies, the newbies, and all the in-betweens. I love you. I thank you. I need you. Thanks for inviting me into your life - for taking a chance on a girl who doesn't always come across the right way, who probably says more than she should at inappropriate times, who pushes alcohol, who can sometimes be a now-it-all (but really is clueless), who has insecurities, flaws and cellulite, and who desperately needs friends to accept me as I am in spite of all this and more.

You are great. I think so.
Your friend (hopefully for years to come!),
Lisa

This is IT!

No more excuses... no more second guessing... no more questioning... It's all laid out for you. Let the spoon-feeding begin! click here

I am obsessed... still.