Big YEAH! Little yeah...

I am sitting here blogging with two screaming girls upstairs... one PISSED because she was horribly woken up from a nap by her seemingly sweet sister who secretly torments her behind my back and the other PISSED because she was caught and told to stay in her room with no hope of when she will be released.  I feel like a great mom right now...

But I am putting all that aside... along with the baby puke that is still in my cleavage and hair ends (because I was so lovingly thrown-up on three times in 24 hours), the dried sweat drips on my lower-back from my workout this afternoon (STILL haven't had a chance to shower!), the pile of dishes sitting in my sink, and the load of laundry in the washing machine since yesterday that will probably have to be re-washed so it doesn't smell stale... to take a moment for me.  To celebrate a little something I am proud of.  I know.  None of what I just listed is the reason for my pride...

I weighed myself today at the gym before my workout and I am officially at pre-pregnancy weight... 144lbs.  This is the BIG and little yeah.  BIG because it is a milestone to get back to that number you started at.  And little because this is NOT the end of the road for me.  I have LOTS more work to do.  I wasn't happy with where I started before Eli, was just gettin' into the swing of things.  Phil apparently liked the swing of my things... thus leading to addition of our third child.  He put a wrench into my mix... or something else... highly inappropriate, I KNOW, but I was NOT ready for baby #3. Phil had a crazy plan to "secretly" get me preggo because the chinese gender-predictor chart, the constellation alignment, my body and the toothfairy all told him he HAD to conceive a baby RIGHT NOW or you may never get a boy.  Lets just say he was determined and calculated in his efforts. I just couldn't resist his charm, apparently.

The reason I feel the need to celebrate this for a moment is because I originally had set a goal to be at pre-pregnancy weight by my birthday (October 21st), not really thinking I would acheive it by now.  And its OBVIOUSLY before my birthday.  So my treat today was 1/2 a snack size of chili-cheese Fritos.  They were delicious and indulgent and everything I didn't need after swelling my arms and sweatin' my arse off.  But my 240 calories of decadence were worth it to me... for a moment.  I am over them.  I don't want any more.  They didn't taste as good as I wanted them to by the end.  That's good I guess...  But now I want some chocolate to counter the delectable salty/spiciness that still permeates my mouth.  That is a great addition to my current aroma of B.O. and baby puke.  I might just go roll in some of Bailey's poop in the backyard to complete it.

So here I am.  Today.  Chili-cheese Frito belly and all. 

144 lbs.  23.6% body fat with LOTS more work to do

NOT allowing my hubby to throw another wrench in my mix.

I couldn't handle it.  I would be one of those PISSED girls, screaming in my room.

 
         June 2011                       August 2011                       October 2011

I have officially earned every one of my rewards, including... A TATTOO!!  Stay tuned........................

**If you are wondering "how did she???" its simple: eat clean, lift heavy, do cardio.  I honestly have NEVER felt this good -- ev.er. I am back into the swing of things and Phil really likes the swing of these things.  But I'm NOT letting him have his way again.  I already own a minivan... I don't want to fill it.

Check THIS out.

You little LIAR!

Its 4:30pm and I am ready to go to bed.

However "with-it" and on top of stuff I may have sounded in my last post... IT'S ALL LIES!!  I am completely having ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  I lied about having my sh*t together, I lied about eating well, I lied about it all!!

Okay, maybe not all of it... but today I feel like the biggest liar and my pants are so on fire that even the hairs inside my ears are singed.  --SIGH!!!--

What is up?  I slept in this morning... my brood allowed me to sleep until 7:20 instead of the 6:01 wake-up call that typically happens on my days off.  Thank you!  I rolled out of bed and that's exactly what went wrong.  Don't these children know that Sunday is Mommy's day off?!  I shouldn't have to make waffles or watch Angelina Ballerina or change diapers or wear spit-up.  It's my day off!!  There should be absolutely no bowel movements that require assistance, no consumption of food that requires preparation, no voices on the television any higher than mine.  None. 

But when I rolled out of bed, it was a looooong roll because the other side was empty.  The man is saving lives today so that mean he is unavailable to save mine.  Actually, when I rolled out of bed, I had to roll over two children who came into bed with me, one due to nightmares (that conveniently only happen when Phil is at the fire station) and the other who loves to beat the sun into my room.

We hit the ground running.  Bottle for the endless tank with rice cereal mixed in simply because I cannot afford (on my reduced teacher's income) to go through TWO LARGE CONTAINERS of formula in one week.  The boy can eat.  I will have to turnin' tricks pretty soon if I want to keep him fed.  Next was breaking up the unending fights between our 7 yr. old and 2 yr. old.  Seriously.  They are ridiculous.  Sometimes I want to stand back and let the two of them duke it out but I know I will have to fork out therapy sessions for the older one since she will have some MAJOR self-esteem issues knowing her younger sister forced her into an arm-bar, yelling "TAP OR I'LL SNAP" in her sweet lil' voice.  Okay, take your corners, girls!

So, hair in a ponytail, sweats in tow (all of us) and barely brushed teeth, we decide to go to my classroom.  I was ambitiously thinking I could make it over there for 2 hours and have the girls watch a movie while I worked.  I packed snacks, bottles, blankets, animals, a stroller and a kitchen sink just to make sure I could get some work done.  After a quick stop at Redbox for two **new** movies, I thought we were in the money.  Right...  After some guilt-laden conversation about "how long daddy's been gone" we headed to the fire station for a quick visit.  Poor guys.  They can't keep us away from there.  We were just there Phil's last tour and lo' and behold, we must visit again.  I always feel terrible when we are there too often because, really, that's why they GO to work... to get a break!  Luckily they got a call and had to rush out so I forced the children back into the car and on our way.  Okay... to school we go... not yet...  There was something in the air... I felt the need to pay myself in advance with a Starbucks, anticipating what lied ahead of me.  That something wafted its way up my nose in between the delicious scent roasted beans as if to taunt me say, "just you wait..."

Snapshot:  TV cart in classroom, sound blaring, snacks all over the floor...  Baby crying in stroller, can't find bottle, poop up to his shoulder blades...  Found bottle! Feed, but wrong nipple on the end...  Feeding turns into gagging with a small amount of food consumption... Turns out to be a LOT of food consumption when he threw up ALL of it on himself, myself and the floor...  Spit-up...poop... poop some more... poop from Maia... marker on pants... marker on face... marker on tables... highlighter on whiteboard... stamps on EVERYTHING... Maia grading math papers... stacks of paper strewn everywhere... Maia grading papers the students haven't even done... Me under my desk curled in a ball... stamps on my forehead... marker on my arms... bodily fluids on my shirt and pants... clinging to a bottle of Jack Daniels... eyes bloodshot... hair frazzled...

I say all of this with the very real understanding that I would never trade days like this for anything.  Because in the cluster that can be our life, I am hit in the face with moments that take my breath away.  Like today, when all I wanted was for the lil' prince to go to sleep, he reached up simply to touch my face and spit out his binky to give me an amazingly heart-melting smile.  Or when the very first sound I heard in the morning was the pitter-patter of spry little feet dancing across the hardwood, anxious to get to my bedroom... followed by the second sound I heard, "Good mornin' momma!"  I love my children, love my husband, love this CRAZY life we created.

But where am I right now??  I haven't worked out since Tuesday (need to sweat the crazy outta me everyday!!), ate too much pizza for dinner last night, my only *real* meal today was my first one (oatmeal w/ protein powder), two kids are only in diapers & fighting my overwhelming desire for them to sleep, I pawned one off on a neighbor but I secretly know she was DES.PER.ATE! to get out of the line of fire, I already dealt out two spankings today and feel more coming, my dishwasher is open and filled with dishes, my bedroom floor is covered with sorted piles of laundry, my living room floor is covered in goldfish crumbs and soy nuts, my kitchen floor is covered in dog hair, sticky waffle pieces and MY hair (that seems to be coming out by the wig-full), and I haven't even paid attention to what's upstairs.  If you are missing a child, puppy or satellite, it may be residing in the upper half of our house.  I don't even want to talk about the bathrooms, though half of what **should** be going in there seems to be going on me... --SIGH-- 

So, I am going to stay under this desk, with my bottle of Jack, add some brown and black to the marker already covering my skin, put some tape to my hair and maybe some sticky notes to my a** and maybe I'll look like a forgotten art project and be left alone for 5 minutes.

But its another great day at the Desilet homestead!

Here is a fitness update too:
I am down to 146.  Still have some work to do.  BUT I am starting to see the muscles in my shoulders/back come back, my tummy doesn't pooch out so much, my ta-tas are waaaaay smaller (I am happy!) and my saddlebags don't look like they are loaded down quite so much.  Progress is progress, no matter how big or small, right?!

**If I hadn't left my damn camera at school and could figure out how to post from my phone, I would have photo updates too.  Coming soon... I PROMISE!**

Don't just survive, THRIVE!

I am taking a break from my normal, sarcastic perspective and attempting to be a little outside myself for a moment. Forgive me.

I used to look at other women who were healthy and in shape and judge them. I would create some outlandish scenario in my head about their skewed priorities. They must be compromising SOMETHING... It was a coping mechanism that allowed me to justify who I was – out of shape, unhappy and jealous. I was in denial that I was the one with the skewed priorities.


As a mother, wife, teacher and woman, I mastered great dance of balancing everyone else’s priorities after practicing it my whole life. School, work, family, spouse, homework, housework... you name it, I would have to make time for it and rarely say “no” to any request. I had programmed myself to overload my plate with all sorts of things – both high priority and nominal. The unfortunate side of this was ME usually got pushed down to #27 on the list of 35 things to do.

Then something dramatic happened... only I don’t remember what. It might have been the birth of my third child... or the emotional and mental breakdown that ensued... or the realization that I had completely lost myself in the previous three years to childbearing... or the fact that I recently had to buy a minivan to transport my brood... Whatever it was, I was ready to post a picture of myself on a “Have You Seen Me” flyer and start the search. I needed to find this girl – no. I HAD to find this girl or she would be lost forever.

Epiphany. At some point I had one. I am not exactly sure when, given I was in a sleepless stupor for the months before and after the birth of my son. Regardless, it happened. A light bulb turned on for me and I realized that in order to be the mom and wife I wanted to be, I had to be the WOMAN I wanted to be. What did that mean? How would I do this? What will my spouse and family think? How will they suffer? Will they suffer? So many questions and there was only one answer... time. I had to find time, I had to make time and I also had to give this time. I didn’t get to my current state overnight and I couldn’t reverse it either.

Genesis. Everything has a beginning. I wanted a new one. I watched my body change slowly over the years. With each pregnancy, I witnessed the miracle of growing life inside my body then was horrified by the aftermath of said cocoon that set up residence under my skin. It was not good. The weight I gained would not shed as I wanted it to, I had lost any shred of muscle definition I previously had and could feel my heart and lungs scream at me each time I climbed up the stairs to change a baby’s diaper. It was time. Time to recreate a new me – one that would out-mom, out-wife, out-teach, out-friend, out-EVERYTHING the old, lost me. So I made a decision. I decided to put myself at the top of my “to do” list.

Decide. Many people have written about this same thing, but it never really, I mean really sank in for me. I knew it had to be done but rarely did I do anything to actually make it happen. I wasn’t ready. I would find any excuse to NOT prioritize myself – kids need this, hubby needs that, it’s raining outside. Bottom line, I wasn’t ready to do the work. When I started this change and officially made my decision, I realized that because I had ignored myself for so long, my insides (physical, mental, emotional) were in survival mode. When breaking out of survival mode, your body clings desperately to anything old and familiar: fat, emotional baggage, old habits, etc. It doesn’t trust that what you are trying to do is helpful. It fights back – with surprising vigor! This is where the 11:37pm cravings for salty, spicy potato chips and insignificant arguments with your spouse come in. They worked in the past to get your body what it wants and its breaking out all the stops to get back there again – back to easy. You have to make your decision everyday... sometimes every hour or every minute. And it is one of the most difficult ones I ever made.

Fight. I knew this would be a big one. My body did NOT want to give up easily. I still fight each and every day. I am ultimately fighting for my life... or the life I want to have. The life I deserve to have. I give so much of myself to my family, my children, my job, why not save a little for me? The problem is this becomes the hardest thing in the world for me to do! I am the queen of false guilt. If I take time away from any of the above, they will suffer – somehow. Right? I can rattle off a thousand scenarios of what I could be doing with that time to give to them. However, when push comes to shove, my insides are so sick, misused and neglected that I end up not doing anything productive with that time!

What I am learning is the fight actually makes me stronger. I am not just talking in the literal sense. I take an hour out of my day to exercise and I come home a different woman. I wake up a different woman the next day. I am a different mom to my children, wife to my husband and teacher to my students. This *new* me is actually better, not worse... whodathought??? I have more patience (which there is never enough of in any of these roles...), more energy to be more productive throughout the day, a positive perspective no matter what is thrown my way, and (my husband is rejoicing!) increased libido, not that I could handle any more children added to our clan.

It is not the exercise portion that really got to me. Diet has played the single-most crucial role in my internal/external transformation. Paying attention to food and its effects on my body has taught me so much. I know that my body does NOT like simple carbs. I get bloated, sick to my stomach; have digestion issues... really pretty! I learned that my body LOVES whole, real, natural food that comes from the ground or has a mother. This realization has tremendously influenced my family as well. As the meal-planner for all of us, I have complete control over what everyone eats. It dawned on me that when my children are my age, they will have the same choices. Waffles with peanut butter and syrup for breakfast OR a healthy egg-scramble with veggies and whole wheat toast? If I want them to follow my example, I have to take them along the path with me. And guess what??? In my weekly meal planning, I hear a regular request for “meatloaf muffins!” (courtesy of Jamie Eason!!) from my seven year old. How crazy is that?? They LOVE the wholesome food we now eat and frequently ask for seconds.

This lifestyle change is a constant in our house and I am forever grateful for the many epiphanies I continue to have. I understand this is a forever commitment and my journey is nowhere complete. But I can say with certainty that we are a happier family, I am a happier woman and no longer feel I am simply surviving the day. I am thriving each and every day... as long as I make it to the gym... and don’t stop for fast food on the way home.

Dear Friends,

For those of you involved in my life - whether it be new, old, or anywhere in between - I want to thank you. You see, for a large part of my youth, I didn't value the importance of good girlfriends. I missed out. I missed out on the toenail painting, the late-night gossip, the sleepovers, the sneaking out to go to the corner convenience store for junk food, the pretend make-out sessions with pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and a pillow... wait... I think I did partake in a couple of those... But my point is, I didn't sink myself into my best girlfriends as much as I could have. I let boyfriends get in the way. I was stupid.

Luckily I married an amazing man who has pushed me to remain independent, to find friends. I wouldn't have any if it weren't for him. No joke. This was a MAJOR point of contention during the first 5 years of our marriage. You NEED friends, he would say. I didn't understand why he would NOT want to invite me, the girl who made him eat the squirrel he had shot with a dart gun, to go shoot whistle pigs out in the desert. He would invite his friends instead of me. And I would be stuck at home - friendless and depressed and mad he was killing poor, innocent creatures that he wouldn't eat.

But here I am now, ten years later, and blessed with some of the greatest friends in the world. Whether its catching up poolside while chasing rugrats all over the place, enjoying a delicious libation on the patio of a local watering hole, anticipating the arrival of a friend I haven't seen in years, or getting an incredibly encouraging email from a cyber-friend I have never met but surprisingly feel deeply connected to, I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

I probably don't express how much I appreciate you or NEED you in my life but this is my Lisa-version. Just like I wouldn't be myself without my husband, I would be a complete Lisa without all of you. You give me perspective, encouragement, camaraderie, advice, parenting tips... the list goes on. I appreciate each and every one of you in your own uniquely friendly way! You all are exactly what I need, when I need it and how I need it. None of you are the same but are perfect for me.

I had this conversation a couple of times recently, but friends really are the only relationship (besides spouses) that you choose and have complete control over. Why make it difficult? Why make it hard? Why make it draining, or negative, or anything other than wonderful??? Life is too short! Friends should be the cherry on your sundae... no they should be the whole damn sundae on the first day of your period when you are bloated and gross and miserable but craving anything doused in chocolate, loaded with empty calories and topped with a king-sized candy bar and a side of potato chips. That's exactly what friends should be - what you need when you need it and what you want when you want it. They will also meet you at the gym the next day...

So here's to you, my friends. The oldies, the newbies, and all the in-betweens. I love you. I thank you. I need you. Thanks for inviting me into your life - for taking a chance on a girl who doesn't always come across the right way, who probably says more than she should at inappropriate times, who pushes alcohol, who can sometimes be a now-it-all (but really is clueless), who has insecurities, flaws and cellulite, and who desperately needs friends to accept me as I am in spite of all this and more.

You are great. I think so.
Your friend (hopefully for years to come!),
Lisa

This is IT!

No more excuses... no more second guessing... no more questioning... It's all laid out for you. Let the spoon-feeding begin! click here

I am obsessed... still.

Holla!

Today was the 5th day this week I have worked out... HOLLA!! I think I might be relaxing to the sounds of nature with a warm clay mask on my face in about 72 hours...

I ran today. Really ran. For the first time in....
Yeah. It's been that long. I don't think I was pregnant the last time I actually ran.
3 miles on the treadmill (okay, you're right, it's not "real" running)
1.5 miles on the StairMaster (I HATE that damn thing but I am determined to not have a mom butt)

It felt good to sweat that much. I totally got into my groove like I used to when I ran. I felt normal again. I wasn't dying after 2:42 @ 5.5mph. I found my zone - lots of deep breaths - a couple moments to stop and drink. All in all, I felt the Lisa-ness come back. I wasn't Mom or Wife or Milk Factory or Cook or Housekeeper or anything. Just me. Rockin' out to Def Leppard and Missy Elliott and Marilyn Manson.

Once I climbed on that God-forsaken machine known as the StairMaster I got all mental again. It sucked! I wanted to quit after 40 seconds ...two minutes ...five minutes ...ten minutes ...basically every second I was moving my legs. I remember having to tell myself: This is it. This is the difference between looking the way you do and looking the way you WANT to. You have to do this. The sad part is there was an old man climbing right next to me, totally schooling me. He started before me, kept going after me and consistently took faster steps. Bastard. Don't you need to go take a nap in front of Sports Center or something!! I think my whole body turned green in envy as I kept watching him out of the corner of my eye. It made me even more mental.

Regardless, today was a good - no, GREAT day. So I celebrated by having 1/2 whole wheat pita filled with a tuna salad and three Oreo cookies. :) That just sabotaged my stair climbing experience. What can I say, I am still in detox and that was my relapse.

To Do list update:
1. Go to the bathroom. (check!)
2. Drink enough water. (check!)
3. Workout. (CHE-ECK!!)
4. Update blog. (check and check!)
5. Participate in some endorphin-stimulating nookie. (HOLLA! - I felt it deserved more than just a check)
6. Finish chores around the house. (che -- 1/2 check)
7. Wash and dry laundry. (check check check check check.... this is unending...)
8. Make a healthy dinner free of chemistry experiments. (check!)
9. Go to bed before 11 pm. (no check due to scheduling conflict with #5...)

Dinner tonight: Turkey meatloaf muffins, green beans and roasted red potatoes. Don't be jealous! I know it sounds disgusting, but these lil' mini meatloafs are mine, my hubby's AND my kids' favorite. Try it!

Down but not Out

I originally wrote this post on Saturday, but computer glitches kept it from posting and I had to take a break from my pissed-off-ness before revisiting my inept friend, this computer...

I am still here. I have been absent as of late getting ready for our big family vacation to Yellowstone! I am still struggling with the everydayness of my body, still trying to figure out a workout routine/schedule, coming up with what seems like any and every excuse to eat poorly (VACATION!), and ready to get back at it.

My sweet neighbor gave me hope today. She hasn't seen me in a while and apparently I look like I have lost weight. I don't know where... cause all my lbs. are present and accounted for. If anything, we have some new recruits after 7 days of non-stop parenting in foreign forests. (Remember, I am stress-eater!) I peeked back through our camping excursion and am seriously disgusted with what I see. I don't know any other word to describe it - disgusted. I have never, NEVER looked like this before and I am really finding difficulty in accepting myself.

I think its because I am not supposed to. I don't want to. This is not me. I am not this shell I see in front of me. Not that it is that completely horrible, but because I know myself to be better than this. Some of you might read this a judge - how superficial of me! YES. I am being a little superficial with the exterior. But I say this with the underlying truth that how my body is now is not how it was designed to be. It was designed to be strong, healthy, fit - the sleekness of my muscle definition is just a beautiful side-effect. I deserve to be better, my children deserve a better mom, and my husband deserves a better wife.

Now let me get the the source of this - internal fitness. I am not simply talking about smaller pants sizes, flatter stomachs, less flabby arms. This is NOT what this is about, what ANY of this is about. It is ultimately about become my best self (thank you, Oprah, for driving this concept into my brain so kindly and subtly every afternoon at 4pm for the last ten years). Something happened this year when I turned 30 - something terribly beautiful and tragic. I realized A: I am NOT indestructible as I previously thought in my youth. B: I need to take care of myself better for my family and those I love. and C: My metabolism sucks. (this is the tragic part). I am thirty. Not nineteen or twenty-one as I sometimes still envision myself to be. I can still feel that young, but I must understand the ramifications for my choices now have a much greater effect on me now than they did then.

Example: I LOVE junk food - specifically the salty, crispy, potato chip variety that comes delectably prepacked with all sorts of interesting vocabulary words that would give the World Spelling Bee champ a run for their $$ - none of which can be grown at your local farm - except for maybe the third to the last of the 27 items listed. Previously, this was no issue for me. I would down an entire can or bag or pre-sealed plastic container and just think "I better run tomorrow." Tomorrow would come, I would feel fine and forget to run, and never miss a beat... until the next craving ensued approx. 1.3 weeks from previous indulgence. Today, (warning, this may contain information not suitable for younger audiences) I get bloated, have gas that could be mistaken for a byproduct of Hitler's Chemical Warfare, get constipated and frustrated as I sit on the toilet for what feels like an hour utilizing all previous skills from childbirth to try and get something anything to move, irritable because I am bloated and constipated and look as good as I feel, lethargic from the simple carbs that caused my blood sugar to spike and then crash a mere 7.32 minutes after I ate and surprisingly! I lose my libido.

The previous example is exactly what happened to me over our vacation. You should have seen the sh*t that came home in grocery bags from my pre-camping shopping excursion. My kids went BANANAS! I never buy chips or cookies or all the junk that Winco so conveniently displays in their bulk food section. For some reason, I couldn't resist this time. I thought I was somehow treating everyone to a great time if I bought their enthusiasm and cooperation with highly-processed chemistry experiments. Bad call Mom, bad call. You see, my body, my husband's body, my 7 year old's body and my 2 year old's body are not equipped to deal with the massive overload of said byproducts and chemicals that were so eagerly consumed on our trip. We had issues... lots of stinkin' issues... in a small, 25 ft. camper-trailer... while driving around Yellowstone... for six days... My oldest went to the bathroom one time in three days - ONE TIME! Yes, we still ate breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks in between and she still only went once. I wasn't much better... my only saving grace was the mass water consumption from being hot due to the over-preparedness of my packing (I thought it would be colder than it was so we wore jeans in 80+ degree weather) and the delicious coffee that Phil and I prepared in our french press every morning (a must for a trip that consisted of waking each day before 7 am, traveling 1400 miles in a truck with three wee ones and NEVER a moment without someone needing something!). The stress of said "vacation" (yes, I use this word in quotes intentionally because whoever came up with that damn word never took a trip like this) only added to our issues and when the urge finally came, in was a MAD dash to the nearest outdoor bathroom facility filled with flies, puddles and Asian tourists.

All of sh*t-talking has got me thinking though. In this short amount of time I noticed a remarkable change in all of us. Not externally, but we were all cranky, constipated, stinky, etc. (You are probably grossed out by my open-bowel talk - holy cow is that a visual - anyway, please don't stop reading, it will get better. I promise.) A-D-D moment there... If food can have that great of an impact in just six short days and require us another week of recovery after, what happens in a lifetime of poor consumption?!? What things go unnoticed and just chalked up to "I've always had a problem with..." Have you really or is it somehow related to what you put in your body and what you do with your body. I have to say that my sweat is even stinkier this week as I work out because of the left-overs still in my cells. How strange is that!! I find myself having ridiculously strong cravings for just at 11:31 pm because of my indulgence. My body became addicted to it like heroin and wants, NEEDS more. I periodically can't resist and end up with a handful of leftover Cool Ranch Doritos and a guilty conscience. I HATE IT!

The whole point of this is just to blog about my updates with fitness and what-have-yous and this is my current struggle. I am in detox. And because I haven't been providing quality fuel for my body, I haven't been feeling so good about the external of my body. So to help with my "down and out" feelings, I made some goals for today:
1. Go to the bathroom.
2. Drink enough water.
3. Workout.
4. Update blog.
5. Participate in some endorphin-stimulating nookie.
6. Finish "chores" around the house.
7. Wash & dry another load of laundry left from trip.
8. Make a healthy, dinner free of chemistry experiments.
9. Go to bed before 11pm to resist my 11:31 craving.

If I am able to accomplish this list, it will begin the healing process of getting back on track with the incredibly s-l-o-w moving wagon of weight loss and body transformation. Wish me luck. On the flip side, I am down to 149 lbs (5lb. weight loss). Here are my latest pictures:

BEFORE --------- 6 WEEKS

I see some progress!! Not anything to make me the poster child for 6 week transformations, but still, its better than nothing!

I still haven't earned my facial.

Period. End of story. I don't want to talk about it.

There really are no excuses - just simple laziness.

**DISCLAIMER** For those of you who may not know the 'real' me, I am a call-it-like-it-is straight shooter. The reasons why I haven't earned my facial yet are pointless. The simple fact is I apparently am not ready to make major changes because if I was I would have earned it already. And I haven't.

No massage yet either.

The good news, I have been (with a few exceptions) pretty good about my diet. I noticed some major changes the first couple weeks - mostly internal. I felt better (here comes inner tigress!), didn't feel as bloated, was regular (a MAJOR improvement for me) and had all the energy I needed to get everything done I wanted to do.

What's really getting me is this whole motherhood thing. Damn kids! (Of course I am completely kidding!!) If I didn't have to feed or bathe or cuddle or entertain them, I would be golden! I could work-out for 4 hours/day! So the delicate battle of balancing motherhood with Lisahood is where I am stuck. So far motherhood weighs a lot more (and it shows...) I just need Jillian Michaels to come and kick motherhood arse so she's no longer the fat kid on the seesaw that no one wants to ride with. They all just get stuck up at the top.

That's where Lisa is. She is stuck up at the top and can't get down. That's why she hasn't made it to her facial appointment.

I LOVE FOOD!!

I do. And that is the greatest understatement ever written. It is somewhat of an obsession for me. I take that back. I am more obsessed with it than my other obsession. (See post) The problem I have found is the lack of miraculously delectible, incredibly mouth-watering, send your palate on a whirlwind kind of food available to those who are trying to 'manage' our weight. I am having such a hard time because I realize now just how influencial food is to my overall health. I have always known this, but when it came to weight loss, I always thought what I am sure a lot of people thought: calories in < calories out = lose weight. Let me explain this formula. If you eat fewer calories than you use, you will lose weight. There is so much more to this seemingly simple equations that people in the world (probably not the type I would invite to a BBQ) study this science a become doctors of food! Here is just a tiny molecule of information out there that I learned:

There are 3500 kCal (calories, as we know them to be) in 1 lb. of fat. If you want to lose 1 lb. of fat/week, you must divide this # by 7. That equals 500 kCal. So you must consume 500 fewer kCal each day than you use in order to lose 1 lb./week. So how many calories should you consume? It all depends. This is where the AP Chemistry and Biology students step in and do their magic while I go stand outside Krispy Kreme and daydream...

Here is one school of thought: Take your current weight (154) and multiply by 10 (1540). This is the amount that your body needs for basic body function (i.e. breathing, pumping blood, daydreaming). Add 300-400 for basic human existence (get up off couch, go to pantry, grab bag of delicious snack food, insert perfectly salty/spicy chips into mouth, chew, swallow, repeat, occassionally chase after stir-crazy child.) If you exercise a bit, add 500-600. If you exercise a TON, add 800-1000 (we're talking MAJOR work - a category I will never see). These calculations are just for maintenance. No losing or gaining - just staying exactly the same. Since I want to lose weight and I am not currently working out like I would like (2 month old baby is a bit of a hinderance...), here is what I figured:

1540 + 400 (because I am breast-feeding) = 1940 1940 - 500 = 1440

I should be consuming approx. 1440 kCal/day or about 10,000/week. I threw the weekly number in because there might be days when I am over and days when I am under (Yeah, right. Who am I kidding??) But this is only part of the equation...

Each day I should be eating approx. 5 meals: breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. I can do a couple things with this.

A) Go to McDonald's. Order a double-quarter-pounder with cheese, french fries and a Diet Dr. Pepper. Don't eat again until tomorrow afternoon when I reach the point where my calories consumed becomes balanced again...

B) Divide this number by 4 (three normal meals & two "snack" meals) = 360/meal & 180/snack. Make smart choices and try to only eat the amount allotted at each meal.

I know what you are thinking... 360 CALORIES!! That's nothing!! I know. I know. My massive coffee consumption with delicious creamer could count for one entire meal! So what's a girl to do?

All food can be broken into three categories: Protein, Carbohydrates or Fat. These three things give our body very different things. Protein is the building-block of muscles. Carbohydrates are fuel that gives our body energy. Fat helps regulate hormones, keeps skin & hair health and aids in the body's overall efficiency.

If I choose option A above, I will consume each of these categories in one meal, but instead of 40% carbs, 40% protein, 20% fat (the ideal ratio for losing weight), it would be 40% carbs, 40% fat, 20% protein (the ideal ratio for looking like you eat at McDonalds).

I know there is SO MUCH information out there about diet and food, but this is a concentrated version of what I know. Yes, you need all three of the above. What determines whether you look like this:

Or this:

It all depends on the types of protein, carbs and fats you choose. Example: I can get carbs & fat from a grilled cheese sandwich OR I can get carbs & fat from oatmeal with flax seed mixed in. Which is better for your body?? Duh. The grilled cheese sandwich because it makes me happy - especially if its made with the fake "American" cheese, white bread and greased up with lots of butter!! I am kidding of course. The fat in flax seed is the good kind that will help lower your bad cholesterol & raise your good. The carbs in oatmeal are whole grains which your body digests slower, keeping you full longer and "cleans you out". So its not just the ratios that matter, it the quality of food that you eat. I get a lot more bang for my buck with oatmeal, protein powder & flax seed (180 cal. breakfast) that Capn' Crunch with milk (420 cal. breakfast). The hard part was finding delicious food to eat that was also healthy. UNTIL...

I found this great resource. It is called the internet. Have you heard of it?!? You can find virtually anything---I said ANYTHING---online. Serious. Like... DELICIOUS, healthy, balanced recipes that will satisfy even the pickiest of appetites. They ususally even tell you the calories, protein, carb & fat content in them. I drooled over my latest findings. Had to get some tissues and wipe the keyboard because I was so excited kind of drooling. Picture my chocolate lab, sitting outside the cracked patio door with 18 in. spaghetti drools hanging from her jowls while I cook something, anything in garlic. That's how good some of this shiz iz. I am so excited to rework my whole 'staple' meals with this stuff. We're talking meatloaf, flank steak, grilled veggies, lemon bars, lime-ginger tilapia, sweet-roasted chicken... I could go on but my computer is about to short from the mass amounts of liquid pooling around the keyboard.

I hope I have interpreted a miniature portion of all the vast amounts of knowledge out there about food that might help with the DIET portion of getting healthy (this is the hardest for me!!). Here are a couple links that helped me the most. Good luck and happy eating!!

Calorie King (calorie counting)

Bodybuilding.com - Find a Plan (walks you through ALL elements, not just nutrition) THE BEST WEBSITE EVER!! If you haven't checked it out, you could spend weeks on here learning about everything. It is my favorite!!

Muscle & Fitness Hers (recipes)

Oxygen (nutrition)

Day 2 - a whole 'nother story

Instead of telling you I spent the day running around like a chicken with my head cut-off and that was all I could squeeze in for a workout or that I only had a piece of pita bread with hummus for dinner or that my kids JUST went to bed, I will reduce my personal updates to a weekly status. I will, however, write everyday. It might take me a couple days to 'compose' something blogworthy, but I will write.

What is there to write about? Well, in the hours I spend neglecting my children to feed my current obsession, I am learning LOTS of new things! Things about food, calories, muscles, time management, food prepping, meal planning, carbohydrates, proteins, fats, and most recently "fat chicks who love protein"... I won't even begin to explain how/why/what of that statement. If only I could erase the images...

I will share my new-found knowledge with you - the one person who has chosen to read this. I have received a few questions from friends in these VERY early days and I will do my best to answer them periodically. This will also help me to learn my own body better, what triggers I have, what works best for me, what totally sucks, etc. If by some miracle of osmosis it helps you, GREAT! If I only slightly entertain you with my inappropriateness and candor, GREAT! If I can do both, JACKPOT! I'll get the tissues.

My newest epiphany: I am a stress-eater. (Explains SO MUCH about my current state!) This is a HUGE revelation because the first step is admission.

Hi. My name is Lisa and I use food to comfort me when I feel the world is about to collapse. In doing so, I subconsciously think that the mass consumptions of turtle sundae blizzards, fettuccine alfredo and Chili Verde Doritos will miraculously transform me into a scrapbooking, coupon-queen of a mother who takes her children to the park everyday, always has them perfectly dressed in coordinating outfits and coiffed hair, runs 5 miles before the sun comes up, keeps an immaculate house that is decorated well enough to be featured in Better Homes and Gardens, refurbishes old furniture in my free time and still has the energy to be a tigress in the bed - multiple times a day. Howz that for a diagnosis?!?

Ah, but low and behold... I am still here... in my nasty sweats that I don't even wear in front of my husband... face unwashed... sink full of dishes... washer and dryer BOTH with full loads in them... crumbs on the floor... I am going to bed. No tigress tonight. At least my teeth are brushed!